✖ Mr.Bimbotic ✖

✖ [[ kiss kiss ]] ✖

2009-11-18T13:04:00.002+08:00

✖ [[ 我愛猪 ]] ✖

2009-10-11T01:11:00.002+08:00

dark cloud will always be cleared from the sky. =)

✖ [[ 10 months ]] ✖

2009-10-10T13:33:00.004+08:00

what happened to us in this 10 months?
remember first few months where i feel so good to be love by her.
but the following months down the road we are just quarrelling.
have the meihui i know changed? have the jim she know changed too?
i just need someone to tell us what happening to us?
is it so hard to suit each other and love each other?
yes.. its a pleasure to be loved and a pain to love.
but i will still love her with all i can.
i know there's time i disappoint her and upset her.
i know my wrong. i regretted. i wish we were still like the past.
the past when we shower each other love. even thot now we still does.
but its no longer like last time. where we dont quarrel.
why is it cos of things we quarrel now?
so many unanswered question that i wish there's a answer to it.

my heart is crying. my tears are dripping..

☺the love shape sandwich made on xmas.
☺the couple banglet you gave.
☺the " xiang si dou " keychain you made.
☺the love u showered on me.

this 10 months seem short. but i went through alot with her in this 10 months.. there's misunderstanding, unhappiness and agruements.. i love her.. i don't wish to lose her.. am i asking for too much? am i too much for her? i dont want quarrels. can we sit down and talk things out? why cant we? is it cos we both too petty? sigh..

✖ [[ zhu ah ma funeral ]] ✖

2009-10-07T12:22:00.002+08:00

went zhu ah ma funeral yesterday.. first time see all her relative make me feel so shy.. i am a shy person mah.. >.< LOLS

went up her house with her.. she play her comp and i play her dog awhile.. soon her sister, brother and maid came back.. a bug flew in too.. think its her ah ma bah.. cos keep fly into the ah ma room.. and suddenly disappear infront of me.. O.o

after that me and zhu went downstair i went to pray her ah ma and i told her ah ma.. ah ma ah.. im meihui boyfriend.. i promise u i will take good care of her.. pls look after us and let us have a smooth relationship till u see me and her de wedding.. LOLS.. hehex..

after that we went to buy mac.. den stay downstair with her cousin to guard the funeral.. at 3 or 4 like tht i cannot tahan le.. very sleepy.. den me and zhu went upstair.. starting i say dun wan slp.. den later i lie on the bed facing the floor.. den she follow me aso.. den we doze off like that.. hehex.. we so cute.. LOLS.. love her lots.. this morning wake up go eat mac again den i come home le.. later go find her again.. loves loves..

✖ [ HAPPY !!! ] ✖

2009-09-30T14:14:00.002+08:00

book out at 11.30am.. sms-ed my baby laopo.. and meet her at my house nearby bus stop and went to buy breakfast.. she woke up early just for me.. at first kinda disappointed cos we dont have much time together cos i need go driving.. so just wanna spend my precious time with her.. love her alot..

now we at home le.. both of us finish breakfast le.. and i saw something i shouldn't see.. not good to give too detail about it.. haha.. its BLACK.. =x

✖ [[ the days ahead ]] ✖

2009-09-29T11:25:00.003+08:00

yesterday went to fetch piggy piggy from school after i finish my work in camp.. she brought biscult along with her coming to my house.. we took cab to house den jiejie was so happy to see biscult.. loves piggy hug hug and kiss kiss

sometimes life jus turn so useless.. but my mission is to endure and find solution.. no matter what.. i dont want my girl to suffer with me too much.. its time i plan for my future to bring happiness for her..

✖ [[ 2 weeks ]] ✖

2009-09-28T00:03:00.002+08:00

2 weeks no see my pig pig.. finally friday night able to see her.. she finish school le went to help her friend do homework.. hate her friends.. always steal her time when i need her the most.. everyday can see her le still want snatch with me who can only see her when we r free.. after tht took cab to fetch my piggy from her sch.. ask her wait me le.. she still anyhow walk to bugis.. haiyo.. so cute la her.. love her so much.. after tht we stay at our love nest.. the rest is our secret.. LOLS

from friday pig pig stay with me till saturday.. went to take MC cos i want pei my pig pig.. den brought pig pig like de KFC breakfast.. quite nice.. =D our dinner was KFC aso.. den send my pig pig home.. overall very happy.. but we quarrelled again.. cos she very unhappy.. nvm la.. =D

today woke up late.. den pig pig no come my hse.. den i very sad.. sigh.. after tht went to buy tart for pig.. but shop no open.. den went to find her.. she make cola drink give me drink cos i coughing.. hehex.. den later we went shop and save to buy alot alot food.. happy hugging my pig pig.. and happy tht she hug me.. so lovely.. just like a newly couples going shopping for they daily items.. i love her lots..

even thot there are days we quarrel.. but those days are the days we became stronger.. piggy change alot on her attitude and character for this relationship.. love her.. hope she dont change too much aso la.. cos i love the way she is.. love love..

for those trying to break us apart.. or come in between us as third party.. i promise to tear u apart.. and make a party (your funeral) for u.

✖ [ Memories ]] ✖

2009-09-20T11:58:00.003+08:00

All this while i am wrong.. there's memories we saved in piggylove.. but i didnt know.. today went to look at all the photos she took.. it made me smile and touched.. that little small things i did for her.. she did bother.. but i always wronged her and made the two of us upset.. im so sorry.. i promise to love u more and more.. i love my piggy love.. <3

Its been 3 days le.. she busy with her project.. and out here i am all alone.. i will bear with it and wait for her de.. i love her..

✖ [[ Something missing ]] ✖

2009-09-16T20:03:00.002+08:00

today got awake by my piggy love.. she never fail to wake me up.. wad a good wife to be in future.. hehex.. as normal.. pack my stuff and bath den prepare to leave hse and i realise something is missing.. i keep wondering wad is it.. till when i in bus.. i know wad is it.. and its the ringtone of my piggy saying " LAOGONG WO AI NI".. =x

i love her alot.. like how she love me..

✖ [[ when i need you the most ]] ✖

2009-09-15T18:13:00.002+08:00

This road we chosen.. to tolerate each other and create happiness for each other and share the burden together.. but sometimes things dont goes well.. in between we have unwanted stress coming in like studies and works.. and they screwed the road we chosen..

was emotionally out of control yesterday due to loneliness.. all i want is someone ear..

memorize all the complains i had and decided to change myself.. hopefully its wad we want from here..

had only half an hour of slp.. i am god.. and god is quarreling day and night.. wad a sad life..

✖ [[ First girl i saw when i open my eyes ]] ✖

2009-09-14T00:18:00.002+08:00

woke up today.. ran to brought macdonald for my pig pig to eat.. slacked at home awhile with her till late evening we went shopping.. even thot we often quarrel.. but we sat down and talk peacefully den always shouting at each other.. we are still young that we are always throwing temper.. but i believe we will hold on to each other and love each other.. =P

yesterday pig brought brownie for me and we brought lots of thing to eat aso.. today same too.. we went to ION to eat.. happily brought food and a disgusting lemon grass tea.. swear i will never buy it again.. hehex.. den brought a 24k gold de dunno wad thing tht can protect our health de thingy and put on computer and handphone..

wanna buy new phone.. but no money.. =( so kind of my piggy wanting to pay for me first.. but as his future hubby how can i use her money.. i must take care of her.. =D i will protect her from a baddie and protect her.. she my cinderella and red riding hood.. im his prince and bad wolf.. l0ls..

tmr booking lor.. dunno when can see my pig again.. gotta miss her..

if one day you gotta leave me to study or what.. and we are going to separate for dunno how many years.. i promise to wait u come back.. even u dun come back and gone missing.. i will go round the world to find u.. millions of ppl will think i will jus find new girl girl.. but i will prove them wrong by letting them see us on red carpet in 10 years later.. even i swim.. i will swim oversea to find u my cinderella.. cos in this life and next life i only gotta love u.. <3

✖ [[ NO !! ]] ✖

2009-09-10T00:43:00.002+08:00

today got punish in camp for not wearing my uniform properly.. im a fucking slacker in camp.. so of course anyhow wear la.. LOLS.. den got pumped 30 push up by my sergeant.. =(

after that brought a few dogs out and take temperature for them.. im the one taking temperature for them.. so every dog comes.. i tell them.. guai guai let me poke your backside.. den i say.. good boy.. go in le.. go in le.. HAHAHAHA.. my friend say i sound gay.. =( after all for your info dogs take temp by their backside.. hehex..

after that book out and go send my cinderella to sch.. gt a brownie from her jie and my laptop back.. the brownie is nice.. =D.. i eat le den found out gt fork in the plastic bag.. >.<

after that went for my driving FTT.. FAILED.. =( maaybe cos my lucky star not there.. =( she in sch busy doing her project, sniff

went to fetch my cinderella from sch.. brought chicken wings and KFC home.. we watch tv at home tgt.. and as i brought her home i was wondering when i am gotta get my reward..? AND HAPPILY I GOT IT TODAY... =P ENJOY IT ALOT.. I LOVE HER THE MOST.. MUACKS

✖ [[ My Cinderella ]] ✖

2009-09-08T00:19:00.002+08:00

today finish camp le went to fetch my cinderella from her stepmother palace ( her school ). LOLS
after that brought her to my kingdom ( my house ).. and she brought lots of food food for me.. brought some stuff give her.. we slack awhile in the kingdom and i send my cinderella home before 12.. =) loves my piggy.. i love u meihui

✖ [[ love again 重來 ]] ✖

2009-07-20T11:27:00.002+08:00

有多少爱能重来? How many love can be deep?
多少人愿意等待? How many person are willing to wait?
失去之后才明白 after losing, then just realize
走进回忆的安排 recalling near the arrangement
一幕一幕的对白 A scene after scene conversation
上演我们的未来 performing our future on the stage
期待原来是一种伤害 Await, is actually a kind of pain
深爱的人一离开 once the person we deeply love is gone
是我不敢 it’s me who don’t dare to neglect the love you give to me
忽略你给我的爱 Now I only want to be back to the first time
现在我只想 don’t wish to let you cry anymore
回到最初的时候 After loneliness, only you can accompany me
不愿让你再泪流 Now I only want to be back to the initial time
寂寞之后 I know you still love me
只有你会陪着我 the beloved you
现在我只想 would you please hold my hand tightly
回到最初的时候 would you please take a look at me
我知道你还爱着我 please look at me, who need you
亲爱的你 a part of traditional opera
请你握紧我的手 only want you to turn back
请你看看我
请看需要你的我
一切重头

有多少爱能重来?
多少人愿意等待?
失去之后才明白
走进回忆的安排
一幕一幕的对白
上演我们的未来
期待原来是一种伤害
深爱的人一离开
是我不敢
忽略你给我的爱
现在我只想
回到最初的时候
不愿让你在泪流
寂寞之后
只有你会陪着我
现在我只想
回到最初的时候
我知道你还爱着我
亲爱的你
请你握紧我的手
请你看看我
真的需要你的我
只要你回头

现在我只想
回到最初的时候
不愿让你在泪流
寂寞之后
只有你会陪着我
现在我只想
回到最初的时候
我知道你还爱着我
亲爱的你
请你握紧我的手
请你看看我
真的需要你的我
只要你回头

✖ [[ BIRTHDAY ]] ✖

2009-06-30T00:15:00.006+08:00

Celebrated my birthday yesterday.
brought one bottle MARTEL.
cooked NUGGETS
Celebrated at ah ting and howard house downstair.. hehex..

Thanks ❤ meihui laopo ❤ Ah ting, howard, fadzil, lim, ah man, ah man bf, ah boy, ah wen, and ah ting friend vivian which is aso my driving shi fu for coming for celebrating with me.. haha.. and aso nelson and his friend drop by to find lim and wished me aso.. thanks benpoh, jinqiang and qing gui for acc me go buy MARTEL aso.. even thot they cant come.. at least they showed up.. LOLS

as expected.. police came.. spot check us.. =D

THANKS AH TING, HOWARD AND VIVIAN CHIONG GO BUY CAKE FOR ME WHEN THERE IS NO CAKE.. SO TOUCHING... ='( dunno how to express myself.. just say.. thanks for having u 2 as my sworn brothers.. =)

✖ [[ Dream Car ]] ✖

2009-06-23T00:28:00.006+08:00

My dream car.. ( Honda Insight Hybrid )

1.3cc , Automatic

Dream Colour : Dark Pink, Or Carbon Black.

Above design is from oversea..

when will i be the driver?

✖ [[ HORO THAT DONT SCOPE - hehex]] ✖

2009-05-03T15:36:00.001+08:00

CAPRICORN The Go-Getter (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
Patient and wise. Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to be Good-looking. Humorous and funny. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimistic. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be Unfriendly at times. Hold grudges. Like competition. Get what they want. 20 years of good luck if you forward.

AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality. 11 years of luck if you forward.

PISCES - The Dreamer (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative. May become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don't like details. Dreamy and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good kisser. Beautiful. 8 years of good luck if you forward.

ARIES - The Daredevil (Mar 21 - April 19)
Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun. Loves a challenge. EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short fuse. (Easily angered.) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egoti stical. Courageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic. 16 years of good luck if you forward.

TAURUS - The Enduring One (April 20 - May 20)
Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings who are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard -- passionate. Expresses themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulges themselves often. Very generous. 12 years of good Luck if you forward

GEMINI - The Chatterbox (May 21 - June 20)
Smart and witty. Outgoing , very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable but needs to express them selves. Argumentative and outspoken. Like change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent. Beautiful physically and mentally. 5 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

CANCER - The Protector (June 21 - July 22)
Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others. Easily hurt, but sympathetic. 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LEO - The Boss (July 23 - Aug 22)
Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Like boundaries. Tend to take over everything. Bossy. Like to help Others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warm-hearted. Sensitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. Doing the right thing is important to Leos. Attractive. 13 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

VIRGO - The Perfectionist (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
Dominant In relationships. Conservative. Always wants the last word. Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard to please. Harsh. Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LIBRA - The Harmonizer (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SCORPIO - The Intense One (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive. Hardworking. Great kisser. Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long Relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky One (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome). Indulges self. Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like rules. Sometimes hypocritical. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes. Doesn't like being doubted. Beautiful inside and out 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward

✖ [[ NO LONGER AVAILABLE ]] ✖

2009-04-29T21:20:00.006+08:00

❤❤ SHE WAS TAKEN SINCE 25TH OF DEC 2008 ❤❤
❤❤ AND HE WAS TAKEN BY HER WHOLEHEARTEDLY. ❤❤

For those who are trying to jio her or come cheehong with her.. Do give up and let your heart die.. Because she is now belonged to me and forever will be mine.. =)

For those who try to tear us apart.. i will tear you apart first..
For those who try to talk dirty or cheehong her.. i will break your teeth first..

PRECAUTION:

STAY AWAY FROM HER.. AND TREAT HER AS YOUR FRIEND.. AS SHE WILL NEVER BE ANY OF YOUR LOVERS.. AS SHE'S MINE.. =P

✖ [[ Loves ]] ✖

2009-04-19T01:35:00.005+08:00

Loves Loves - =D

✖ [[ Hug till the end ]] ✖

2009-04-12T17:09:00.003+08:00

10 April 09

Dont keep your love one wait for you for too long..
Embrace the love now.. and secure them.. =P

✖ [[ A disappointment to u ]] ✖

2009-01-11T18:25:00.002+08:00

✖ - SORRY -✖

this word is often abused by people to solve things...
but this time i still have to say it.. cos its my fault..

I know all this while u waiting for me to open my mouth to ask u to be together with me.. but all this while i dun want ask cos i feel i am not good enough for you.. i am not that good as you think.. like i said before to you.. all guys are the same.. sometimes i do regret.. why i am not the JIM u know in the past.. the JIM u know in the past is more faithful and more sweet.. now de JIM might be sweet.. but his faithfulness is not there..

I dont dare to think that we will be together cos i dont wish to hurt u.. i want u to be happy.. i know u too well.. i know wad makes u happy.. and wad makes u sad.. and therefore there hiding of secret all these.. cos i dont want to see u sad..

i dont ask for any forgiveness.. i can see this time u are giving out your love.. but i dont dare to accept.. cos i feel i dont deserve your love..

i do wish we can go back to the past where both of us are happy and sweet.. but i know its impossible.. i had changed too much.. i am not last time de JIM le.. but i know last time de JIM is better..

But wad i say will still be the truth.. during this 2 years i not going to have any girlfriend.. because i do not have a stable income or career to take care of her in future.. i am not strong enough to protect her.. i am not mature enough to plan about me and her future.. therefore i dont deserve any girls to wait me for this 2 years.. and i dont have anything worth to keep the girls by my side..

i donno u still gotta bother me or not.. but i just wanna let u know i never push u away.. u know how well i treat u.. so whether this friendship is still going on or not.. its up to u.. but i do hope we can still be best friend.. and i will be there for u still whenever u need me.. after all.. i just know u too well..

✖ [[ Busy ]] ✖

2009-01-01T18:13:00.001+08:00

HELLO FOLKS.. I WOULD NOT BE BLOGGING FOR A MOMENT.. DUE TO EVERYTIME I BOOK OUT FROM CAMP I WILL BE GOING OUT AND I WHEN I AM HOME I WILL JUST SPEND MY DAY SLEEPING.. AND WILL BE TIRED.. SO WONT HAVE MUCH TIME TO BLOG OR THINGS TO BLOG SINCE I CANT BLOG ABOUT MY DAYS IN CAMP COS WE CANT LET OUT ANY CAMP STUFF OR TRAINING TO THE PUBLIC.. =).. CIAOS...

TRAINING TO BE A SOLDIER ~~ FIGHT FOR OUR LAND !!

✖ [[ Screwed ]] ✖

2008-12-25T17:06:00.002+08:00

BOOKED OUT YESTERDAY.. AND GOING BACK IN TONIGHT.. =x

i screwed my own life..
sometimes the things i did i donno its right or wrong..
sometimes the things i thinking i donno whether it make sense or not..
sometimes i just feel happy.. but ending might be tired and sad..
sometimes i just wanna make everyone around me to be happy.. but its not easy..
sometimes i pleased one.. and made one to hates me or angry me..

i cant go on like this.. i need people to understand me.. im tired.. i screwed my own life.. i destroyed my brotherhood.. and destroyed my love life.. maybe i destroyed everything in my life..

there's always little misunderstanding in my life that screwed my life up.. i just wish those ppl can understand.. maybe in their heart.. im really tht a bad guy.. and tht not worth to be forgiven..

i am truely sorry to the one who have misunderstanding in me.. i just donno anything now.. my life is so empty and confused..

i just wanna say sorry.. even thot this word cant solve anything.. but its really show whether that person who u angry or hate worth to be forgiven or not.. haissss

✖ [[ LAST DAY ]] ✖

2008-12-12T00:04:00.003+08:00

Today my last day blogging le.. den maybe 2 weeks come out den blog again le.. dont miss me wor.. haha..

Today went sing karaoke with ting.. damn fun.. only two of us.. its macham like our own concert.. HAHAHAHA.. we are trying to be HIGH.. i think we are HIGH BAH.. but not HIGH enough.. HAHAHA..

Today we reach take bus and reach the place le.. den still need walk a distance to the place.. and its raining heavily.. and we two walk in the heavy rain.. DAMN COLD AND SHIOK AND COOL.. LOLS.. than later we had our dinner the karaoke room.. we ordered - curry chicken rice - curry pork rice - and chicken wings.. HAHAHA.. after that we start our concert.. LOLs.. and den went to meet howard and have dinner again.. LOLs..

THANKS MY SWORN BROTHERS HOWARD AND TING FOR ACCOMPANY ME FOR MY LAST DAY.. I ENJOYED ALOT.. =)

✖ [[ BOTAK ]] ✖

2008-12-10T21:18:00.002+08:00

HAIR ALL GONE !!! I AM NOW BOTAK !!!

THEY SAY MY HAIR IS SMOOTH LIKE GOLF FIELD DE GRASS..

THEY SAY MY HEAD NOW LOOK LIKE A RICE BALL WITH SEAWEED AS TOPPING..

=*(

i miss my hair..

✖ [[ got hurt once again ]] ✖

2008-12-09T15:40:00.002+08:00

All this while.. i thot i can be someone who protect my brothers and love one..
but today than i realise all this while.. im the weak one.. im nothing but a burden to them.. It sad to know u r in-secure to the one you love..
cos you love them. Yet u arent the one protecting them..

Everytime i love someone.. i tend to love them till i can cry for them..
and ending is they find me a insecure guy who only know how to cry..
yes.. im a weakling..
im insecure..
i am just a burden to anyone..

✖ [[ farewell party ]] ✖

2008-12-07T23:20:00.001+08:00

THANKS THOSE WHO CAME FOR THE FAREWELL PARTY. ITS APPRECIATED GREATLY BY ME !! AT LEAST I KNOW I WASN'T ALONE BEFORE I ENTER ARMY.. THANK YOU !!!

U GUYS WHO ATTENDED ARE BEING LOVED BY JIM !!!

✖ [[ 6 more days ]] ✖

2008-12-06T14:39:00.003+08:00

6 more days.. and i'll start my journey as SAF commando..
I offer my body to SAF to become a commando,
to protect you cuties in singapore..
Pls dont be touched by me.. but just love me.. xD

later on.. i hosting a farewell party with bentan my Jie Bai Da ge.. at boat quay MANSION pub.. to celebrate my last farewell party and really enjoy myself till the last.. he leaving for NS on the same day as me.. 12 dec 08 at 8am.. haha

First time going NS.. its a first start for all guys in singapore to become a real man.. am i ready for the tough days in camp? me myself doesnt know honestly.. but just hope nothing will happen to me.. haha.. total there's two HOT NEWS abt singapore commando.. one died during training when he is under a training of torturement.. cos officer need give commandos a trail that they will be tortured if they are caught by terrorist.. and a few officers act as the terrorist and tortured this commando.. they are not playing.. but just part of the training to force the commando to reveal singapore top secret.. and they stuff this commando into this pail of water till he cant breath.. and end up he is dead.. will i have the same fate as him? LOLs

another HOT NEWS is that a commando had a 5km run training.. and he forced himself till he run till his heart stopped and instant death in the forest.. will i have the same fate as him too? a weakling like me can be a commando.. so weird and suay.. haha..

not really excited about my NS life.. cos it gotta be very boring.. and what attracts me is the pay only.. commando gets $600 plus per month if i not wrong.. its not very much.. but at least got money.. haha..

_________________________

do u a rmb i brought my shirt to laundry all these? yup.. i did those for the dating with pearlyn.. but end up i didnt had a chance to go out with her or send her home.. so today just gotta wear those clothing go attend my farewell party.. haha.. kinda sad.. i invited pearlyn too.. but it seem she cant attend.. maybe in the next 2 years i have no chance to see her anymore.. maybe she really doesnt have interests in me.. and we arent destined to be together.. =(

hope i enjoy myself today.. and thanks those who i had invited who are willing to come attend.. i appreciated alot.. at least u guys are willing to accompany me in my last 6 days..

gotta spend this 6 days happily.. loves.. =)

✖ [[ 100th Post - The recalls ]] ✖

2008-12-04T16:22:00.004+08:00

✖ 100th post - The recalls ✖

First time i wrote a blog wrote till so long.. i forgotten my past blog address.. i only rmb the one i created right after i broke with a girl i previously been together with.. and i name the blog "PCC.Zai" cos when the day we broke.. she said im insecure.. im a bian tai.. all the while im just after her body.. these sentences till today still are kept in my mind to remind myself to be respectful to whichever girl i gotta be together with in future.. And since the day we broke up.. i always blog about how much i miss her and how hurtful is it to be apart.. and it lasted till about 4 months.. the post are being brought forward to my this blog.. so whoever are bored can go read back my past.. i felt that its kinda sad.. cos sometimes when i read back.. my tears do come out..

And at the month of October i changed my blog address to Mr.Bimbotic.. cos i felt im a bimbo.. who always got played through feelings.. but its just my nature.. whoever i love or interested.. i will give them the best i can.. and there's this girl i once interested in who is only 16 years old called me a bimbo.. and she named me "Mr.Bimbotic" and later she just left silently.. cos she know i got feeling for her.. and she doesnt wanna to be with me.. =(

sometimes truth are always ugly and hurtful.. do u guys think so?

it's not when i look back at all the memories..
and good times that we had..
or bad times that we had...
that makes me sad...
it's when you consider..
those memories at nothing to you..
and they actually meant everything to you..

Thats is how hurtful truth are..

✖ [[ im in the same shoe as u ]] ✖

2008-12-02T20:01:00.002+08:00

fong ar fong.. now i understand le.. im in the same shoe as u..

now i know why u keep find ppl out when u r going NS soon.. i got the same feeling as u le.. when we r going to leave for NS.. we will have this same feeling.. i donno u feel the same as me or not.. but somehow i think i felt the same as u..

2 weeks more den i going NS le..

and this feeling is in my heart.. i felt very empty.. very lonely.. this 2 weeks gotta pass very fast.. wake up le.. a few hours later den the sky turn dark le.. and u will have this feeling of wanting someone to accompany u and chat with u till u happy.. or let u feel tht u arent lonely.. is this the feeling u r feeling too fong?

='(

✖ [[ What's wrong? ]] ✖

2008-12-01T17:32:00.002+08:00

lost appetite to eat.. lost mood to talk.. lost mood to do things.. im very moodless since yesterday.. i want to talk and chat with u.. but i dunno u wanna talk or chat with me or not.. cos i got a feeling u doesnt wanna talk to me.. haiisss.. from morning till now i haven eat.. haiiisss

✖ [[ Gone = bye bye ]] ✖

2008-11-30T22:36:00.002+08:00

In our life.. once u miss it.. it will never be back.. whether it is a chance given or not.. in life.. we often give up things easily.. very little ppl will stay onto something for long.. it is a trend or its a lifestyle of everyone?

is it fate or destiny to be in love? and whats fate and destiny meant to u? is giving a barney to a girl u like when u didnt think of meeting her when u head down to bugis.. but end up u saw her there.. is it a destiny to be in love with someone when the two of u went through many many problems..

is it love or hurt.. to be loved and loving someone.. when most of the time the one u love or the one who love u are being hurt?

there's so many unanswered things in life.. is there someone out there who can answer it?

somehow.. this life is coming to an end and become meaningless to carrying on.. do u feel so?

whether together or not aso doesnt matters.. just wish both party will be happy.. thats the happy ending bah.. after all life is not like fairy tales.. when the prince will be happily with the princess at the end of the story.. it seem most of the time our life is the opposite from the fairy tale.. as in real life there wasnt any witches..

✖ [[ Be happy b4 u enter NS ]] ✖

2008-11-30T09:42:00.002+08:00

Be happy before you enter NS.. this few days had been worring or struggling through my love life when the one i admire doesnt even have interests in me.. maybe i can only admire her for the rest of my life and can never be together with her..

✖ [[ dont treat me like that ]] ✖

2008-11-27T09:12:00.002+08:00

if you dont like me.. or dont love me.. just let me know.. dont ignore me or treat me like i never exist in your contacts.. i 'll feel better if u reject or tell me truth infront of me.. than to ignore me or avoid me when u know i like u or u feel that i had irritated u..

in your heart i may not be the best.. or the right one.. i dont blame u if u dun give me a chance.. but at least we can still be friend.. u hurt me badly if u just ignore me or avoid me.. i rather than we can still be able to talk like normal than u avoid me or ignore me.. it just hurt badly..

in my life i dont force ppl do things that they dun like.. so why must treat me this way?

maybe it is just another misunderstanding i had on u.. but if there is a explaination than i would like to hear it.. honestly..

there's so much thing to say.. but its all hidden in my heart.. i have no one to turn to..

pain pain pain.. thats how i feel..

✖ [[ Miserable Life ]] ✖

2008-11-27T08:24:00.002+08:00

My love is so meaningless..
there will be people snatching your love ones..
and there will be people who doesnt have their rights to be with the one they love..

she is a fairy.. im a commoner.. and in deep in my heart i knew the outcome of asking her for stead..

the lucky one is not me.. i dont have the rights to be with her.. i dont have any reason for her to love me..

only blame that those ppl who love me are less.. and those who will be fighting with me for the one i love are increasing everytime.. i only can ask myself to stop being a fool.. and do nothing else..

my time is getting lesser and lesser..

i am not that lucky.. even the time had reached.. there will aso no one willing to be with me..

the one she love is not me.. its not me.. but...

i like her...

✖ [[ 学会离开 - Learn to leave ]] ✖

2008-11-26T05:38:00.005+08:00

I can love who i want.. BUT there's one problem.. SHE can LOVE who SHE wants too..

In her heart.. im not the one who can protect her or take care of her.. i can only be a friend of hers.. maybe one day we can have chance to be together.. the possibility is very small yet very treasure able.. Like wad everyone had said.. its impossible for her to wait for me 2 years if we are really together.. our relationship arent that deep.. and she also dont really have feeling for me.. during the 2 years.. she might just leave me for another guy.. i have nothing currently to keep her heart.. or keep her waiting.. Sometimes sit down and think about it.. it does felt very sad.. how good i am.. i also wouldnt be the best in others heart..

its sad to be the only loving someone and yet the person arent loving u.. or be the one loving u.. and yet u are attached.. life is really meaningless..

15 days left..

During this 15 days.. impossible i can win your heart till u will be faithful to me and wait me for 2 years.. but all i wish is that u can be happy and take care of yourself..

2 years..

During this 2 years.. impossible there's any mircale gotta happen to us.. if u find someone u really love.. i just grats the both of u.. he is really a lucky one.. and hope u two can be together happily..

✖ [[ Deep in my thoughts ]] ✖

2008-11-25T06:27:00.002+08:00

Have u ever felt that feeling whenever you see someone, you freeze and your heart starts to beat so fast that you have to hold on to something so that u wouldnt fall?..

Sometimes they talk to u. do u utter stupid words and end up embarrassing yourself? it's not that you want.. but just that the presence of that person makes your heart beat faster and slower at the same time..

will u be brave and admit your feeling? wad if it's simply not meant to be? will u give up? Or keep trying and end up with nothing?

well.. thats love.. its irony speaks.. but u got to take risks to get answer. When u meet someone and u gradually fall in love with that person. try express your love to her. cause every moment u wasted will be equal tons of regret in the ends..

dont wait until it's too late to tell someone how much u love.. how much u care.. cos when they r gone.. no matter how much and how loud u cry.. they will not hear anymore..

the love u cant have lasts the longest, feels the strongest and hurts the most..

it's so hard pretending to be friends with someone special when everytime you look at the person it just hurts even more knowing that all u see is ultimately everything u want but u cant have..

isnt it stupid when u say "no.. i dont love tht person anymore." but still when the memories are refresh and tht person become visible again in your life..

u'll stare and say.. "damn it.. why cant i forget u?" so each time i see u.. i say to myself.. "i move one"..

each time u smile at me.. i say to myself.. "yeah.. were just friends..." but everytime u look at me.. i end up saying.. " shit.. its so hard to pretend.."

it's hard to love someone who is not serious enough.. time would give u chances to talk.. chances to be together and chances to share.. see how it hurts? u only have chances.. jus chances..

a heartbreak isnt as loud as a bomb exploding.. sometimes it can be as quiet as a feather falling and most painful thing is no one really hears it except u..

u can handle the pain tht u feel and make others believe tht u can move on.. but u can never deny the truth to yourself tht the person whol failed and hurt u is still the person u'll choose to love.

i cried so many times becoz of a love lost and a love i never really had..

i suffered pain worse than dying.. but feelings change and there's one lesson tht everybody shld learn in time.. move on..

u cant finish a book without closing its chapters.. if u wan to move one.. than u have to leave the past as u turn the pages..

LOVE IS NOT DESTROYED BY A SINGLE.
FAILURE OR WON BY A SINGLE CARESS.
ITS A LIFETIME VENTURE IN WHICH
WE ARE ALWAYS LEARNING,
DISCOVERING AND GROWING.

✖ [[ DEAD PIG !! ]] ✖

2008-11-24T18:09:00.002+08:00

awww.. today slept like a pig.. maybe cos of previous 2 to 3 days i didnt slp well.. today my alarm rang from 11am to 1pm.. im just too tired and lazy to use my hand to go off the alarm.. im a dead pig ~ LOL

Tmr going St.james.. gotta be a dead log there.. LOL.. but than i must see my pearlyn ~~ LOL.. MUMMY AH !! GIVE ME MONEY ~~ LOL.. estimate i gotta spend $1500 to $3000 before i even step my first step into NS.. xD

im a great spender.. im proud of myself.. HAHAHAHA !!

im in a good mood today.. xD

✖ [[ PHOTOS ]] ✖

2008-11-24T17:22:00.008+08:00

We are too bored.. so we did this.. xD

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUIMIN ~ SHE CRIED.. HEHEX

✖ [[ im back ]] ✖

2008-11-24T07:15:00.004+08:00

Yesterday evening went out to kiddy palace with ah ting to buy pearlyn's de BARNEY ~ we saw the big size BARNEY which me and zhu saw at vivo.. but later me and ting decided to buy this BARNEY which u press his tummy and he will say something like " I LOVE YOU ". its a I LOVE BARNEY. LOL

so i brought it and asked the cashier to warp it up using a present warper and i brought a ribbon.. its looks totally perfect after it is warped up.. =)

after that me and ting went to bugis to buy birthday cake for huimin.. as we are going to countdown for her birthday.. But it surprised us that pearlyn got work today.. And ting spotted her and she whisper to me.. and i said.. WHERE WHERE WHERE?!?!

Den later i walk towards her and approach her when i saw her back view under the dark sky..

Jim: Hello ~
Pearlyn: heys ~ hello
Jim(trying to pass the present to her): this one is for you de.. hope u will like it..
Pearlyn(laughing): HUH? u really go buy it ar?
Jim(laughing): ya.. just accept bah.. cos i buy le..
Pearlyn(laughing): and turn away and look at other direction.. but like that i paiseh sia..
Jim(laughing): no need paiseh la.. just accept it.. i aso buy it liao..
Jim: just accept it bah.. ( haha )
Pearlyn: (haha) okay okays.. thank you..

AND YES !! I DID IT.. LOL.. without making a fool out of myself.. this time approach her with a very steady de emotion.. cos i dun wan give her a bad impression of me again..

than later me and ting accompany her awhile.. den later we go off.. and its the first time we wave and smile at each other.. LOL

after that got the cake all this le.. den went back to pearlyn de another shop there and stand outside there.. and ting and howard talk to their friend and i jus there look around.. and later pearlyn came.. den later chat chat chat.. of course i still kinda silent there.. wanna give her a cool impression of me instead of me being a fool who keep shy.. LOL.. den later howard asked her.. YOUR BOYFRIEND NO COME FETCH U AR? den she repiled.. HMMM.. I NO BOYFRIEND..

AND OH YES !! THEY BROKE UP AGAIN !!! LOL

den later she go le.. and i sms-ed her and ask her be careful when she on her way home bah bah bah.. haha

after that we carry on our plan to huimin birthday.. we did alot crazy thing for her.. ting they all brought those present tht she like and the cake she like.. its a ice cream cake.. xD

den we gave her a surprise.. she was telling xiuwen her birthday gotta be lousy this year.. but who knows we made it a happy one.. she touched till she cried infront of us when she saw us.. haha.. Photos will be posted up tmr.. xD

after that dave and shiqi came to find us.. den we go eat and slack.. ah man and ah boy they all went home.. left me.. howard.. ting.. dave and ah qi.. den we slack awhile.. den go qi house play mahjong.. cos i quitted mahjong a few months ago.. so i didnt play.. i just go friendster viewed pearlyn new photo.. den sit on the chair there and fell asleep.. but didnt had a good slp.. cos i will keep wake up.. as i keep remind myself i cannot slp soundly.. cos i still wearing contact lens.. after that i left at 6am.. and came home.. haha.. okay.. now go slp le.. wonder who winning at the mahjong.. LOL

I hope nothing will goes wrong between me and pearlyn.. good lucks.. =x

tmr wake up need ask money le.. broke liao.. tuesday need go pub celebrate huimin birthday.. and see my pearlyn.. LOL..

✖ [[ Confuse ]] ✖

2008-11-23T10:27:00.002+08:00

Friendship or relationship?

Friendship -
A person who you know well and like. Someone who has the same interests and opinions as yourself, and will help and support you. A close, lasting and lifelong friendship..

Relationship -
A person you decide to be with as you have trust and faith in him or her. Trust that in the future they will be the one who bring you happiness.. have faith that he or she will be the one who will take care of you and be there for you whenever you need him or her. Someone who will be brightening your life..

There's this saying.. Love always start from friendship.. But once it ends.. he or she will never be friend.. Happiness is in your hand.. you are the one who will be finding your own happiness..

When a girl and boy is together.. they have no limit in their life in this 21st centuries world.. they can do whatever they want.. But if the boy and girl is just only friend.. there will be limit in their life.. they can only treat each other good.. and take care of each other.. most to most there will only be a friendly hug.. And for sure they wont quarrel much like couples.. So which one is the better relationship?

✖ [[ A long lost feeling ]] ✖

2008-11-22T09:21:00.005+08:00

A long lost feeling is back after so many months had passed.. The feeling of everyday awaiting for someone to wake up.. a feeling of missing someone.. that sweetness in the heart..

i aso thot this feeling will be gone soon.. but its so untrue.. 2 days of not slping.. cos there's something in my mind.. and in my heart.. Once u given me a chance.. but i let it slipped.. and i know all i can do now is be miserable.. I cant blame anyone or anything.. It's all my own fault..

If only there is something that i could say to make the sunshine and rain go away.. If there's something i could do.. it hurts me to think that you're feeling so blue.. i'll be your umbrella, together we'll stand to weather the storm.. i'll be here to bring u smile.. it's not up to me anymore.. if you want me in your life.. you'll find a way to put me there..

and it's hard to forget something that you know you'll always remember..

She isn't my girlfriend.. But i love her hug.. her smile.. her advice.. her kindness.. and the times when we laugh together.. Maybe we donno wad we have until we have lost it.. but maybe its also true that we donno wad we are missing until we find it..

✖ [[ Over.. its over ]] ✖

2008-11-21T06:14:00.002+08:00

Her birthday had passed. im just a un-invited guest wishing her happy birthday in my heart.. didnt send her any sms to give her a birthday wishing.. wanna be the one who is there to celebrate with her.. but it seem i doesnt have the chance.. wanna be the one who can send her home during her happy day.. but it seem i doesnt have the chance.. wanna be the someone who is special in her this year birthday.. but it seem i am not too.. wanna be the one who give her a unforgettable birthday this year.. but it seem i dont have the chance too..

but than.. still wanna wish u a happy birthday pearlyn.. =)

✖ [[ Fuck ]] ✖

2008-11-21T01:48:00.002+08:00

Dont u guys think this is retarded? by fucking someone = he or she is a friend u can keep..

cos F.U.C.K = Friend U Can Keep.

so if u do wish to keep that friend of yours.. do ask them out to fuck.. this is so lame. LOL

✖ [[ I am jealous ]] ✖

2008-11-21T01:34:00.002+08:00

I AM JEALOUS !!!!

im a bian tai..
im a beast..
im a wang ba dan
im a ediot..

okay.. nights.. LOL

✖ [[ One time 2 heart attack ]] ✖

2008-11-19T09:51:00.002+08:00

First heart attack : My dog kylie had left us..

Second heart attack : Pearlyn patched with her bf..

i know this day will be coming.. i just hope she will receive her xin fu.. i wont go ka jiao them.. as last time when my gf got stolen i aso very sad and angry.. so i wont go do such thing.. i just hope pearlyn will have her xin fu..

i will still giving her the barney doll as her birthday present.. and the necklace as her xmas present..

even thot i know i have no chance.. i still will teng her.. if i have the chance to do so..

tmr is her birthday le.. im not invited and i aso have no mood to wish her happy birthday.. but than.. happy early birthday wishes to u pearlyn.. =')

✖ [[ She's gone to heaven ]] ✖

2008-11-18T13:01:00.003+08:00

Time of death: 12.02pm
Place of death: Mount Pleasant Hospital
Date of death: 18 Nov 2008
Name: Kylie Goh
Age: 5 years old (which is 35 years old for human age - dog 1 year = human 7 years)

im proud of u.. seen u struggling with the cancer cells till your last breath.. You never give up.. but we gave up on u.. cos it hurts us to see u struggling so hard.. blood keep come out from your mouth.. and u are breathing heavily.. looking u in pain.. make our heart goes in pain too..

When your last breath is gone.. you pee-ed.. this shows how scare u r.. im sorry.. i tried closing your eyes.. but u wouldnt want close.. is it u still miss us?

Since u was born.. u r protected by us.. now u r gone.. pls take care of yourself.. dont let other dogs bully u okay? must be brave.. and do find food on your own.. dun get bully okay?.. im very worry u will be bullied.. im sorry i cant be there to protect u.. but promise u.. u will take care yourself.. i miss u..

When your breath is gone.. i can see the ease of your pain.. those pain are gone.. your pinky body turns purplish.. but i know u r a brave hero.. u struggled for the past 24 hours with the cancer cells.. IM PROUD OF U !!!

Rest In Peace kylie..

From your loves,
The " Goh " Family.

✖ [[ Will this be a Goodbye ? ]] ✖

2008-11-17T15:36:00.002+08:00

Rmb the first time she reach here.. she was so small and innocent.. someone who donno why she end up in this house or this place.. but she just became part of the family.. From someone who is very scare of the environment in the first place.. as its the first time she met and have to stay with so many strangers.. and slowly she became someone who always welcome the family members home..

Whenever there is delicious food around.. she will be around.. whenever u r bored and doing nothing.. she will be there.. whenever u r alone in an aircon room.. she will be there to accompany u.. All this while she is here just for us..

But when she is lonely.. none of us is there for her.. either working or studying or even we are not able to be at home to be with her.. whenever she is sad.. none of us is there to understand her.. whenever she need some fun in her life.. none of us is there to play with her.. she spend most of her time with us.. and yet everyday we almost spend 3 hours or less on her..

Yesterday night she came to my room and lie on my bed and slept beside me.. if i know yesterday night was the last night she will be slping with me.. i will hope that this night will never ends.. i miss those days when im eating and u r the scratching my legs wanting me to give u food.. i miss those days when i reach home.. someone is there to welcome me home.. even when im drunk.. i miss those days when i throw something.. someone is there to fetch it.. i just miss u badly..

Today doctor say her cancer had reaches the final stage.. and tmr will be her operation day.. rmb the first time she went hospital for her injection.. she was so scare and timid. But today she is so strong and brave.. im proud of u as your master.. promise me nothing will happen to u.. and i promise u i will rmb u even anything gotta happen to u..

Will this be a Goodbye? Pls dont leave me without saying goodbye.. ='(

From your master Jim to his beloved dog kylie. Pls bless her and let her operation go smoothly..

✖ [[ My heart is very confuse ]] ✖

2008-11-17T05:16:00.003+08:00

Got this very tong ku de feeling.. and got this very sour de feeling.. of course its not the feeling of jealousy.. just donno why my heart feel bitter and sour.. and abit heart pain.. l0ls..

wanna date her out.. but very scare to ask her out.. very scare excuses is being made.. very scare she will feel im irritating.. very scare im gotta be ignored..

Rmb in the past.. when i like someone.. i never had such feeling or thoughts.. why today de jim will scare this scare that? i wondering sometimes...

this few days was very free.. had lots of slpless nights.. i now everyday slp at 8am or 10am.. and woke up at 6pm.. cool hur? LOL.. sometimes during these slpless night i will start thinking abt things.. i will think wad if me and her really together and i cant give her happiness? sometimes i do really regret in the past i dont study hard when in future i need take care of family and maybe a wife.. OMG !!~~ my future is so scary..

Ever since during my last relationship.. i started to think alot when im interested in someone.. or even admire someone.. maybe due to the fact that i worry that they will leave me all this.. my confidence is all gone.. even now i dare talk to her.. but i still scare she is just entertaining me.. how i wish there is such machine that can let us know what the other party is thinking..

sometimes its very painful to go after a girl which u dun even know she like u or not.. or maybe donno wad impression she have abt u.. and scare if she reject u.. the words or sentence she gotta say is gotta be very hurtful.. boy are so tong ku.. girls are all so xin fu.. just sit there wait ppl come jio u all.. LOL...

SIAN AR !!! going NS le.. i wish i can get her heart b4 i go NS.. even thot i know it is impossible.. l0ls.. hao tong ku ar ~~ i donno wad i want.. i donno wad im thinking.. i only hope she wasnt irritate by me.. and will soon see my care and sincere.. pearlyn ar.. pearlyn ar.. l0ls..

✖ [[ First step ]] ✖

2008-11-12T20:28:00.001+08:00

yay.. got her number le.. and from our chatting i think its impossible for the both of us to go any further.. i will just treat her like my gf and take care of her but will never ask her for stead.. =)

✖ [[ I made a fool out of myself ]] ✖

2008-11-10T00:24:00.003+08:00

JIM !! YOU LOOK LIKE A FOOL !!!

today met her le.. so stress.. so shy.. so paiseh.. is me myself we recommend to go her shop find her.. and yet i there shy till like shit like that.. haiiss.. im a total fool.. standing there like a fool when she is so friendly.. my courage is just not there to start a topic to her or even say a HI to her.. i regretted being so foolish.. i should be the one who talk ~~ cos im the one who is interested in her.. yet im like a sissy like tht.. haiisss..

asked for her number before we left.. and i got rejected ~

Jim: (shy and having a big smile) Hello.. can i have your number?
Pearlyn: (having a big smile and keep laughing) Can i say "no"?
Jim: haha.. sure.. why not?
Pearlyn: haha.. okay..

I SCREWED EVERYTHING !!~~

Pls bless me in my next outing with her.. i take it as a date of me and her.. pls dont let me make a fool out of myself again.. COURAGE !! GIVE IT TO ME ~~

P.S: i had overcome my shy to her today.. after i got rejected.. i became calm in mind.. =)

✖ [[ im scared to be drunk ]] ✖

2008-11-09T03:40:00.002+08:00

yoyo..

had 2 bottles of whiskey yesterday with my si mei ah ting.. OH MY GOSH !! WHISKEY IS POWERFUL !! IT'S FLAMMABLE ~ THIS SHOW HOW HIGH IS THE ALCOHOL LEVEL ~~ LOL

was drunk yesterday and vomit alot alot. i was like a merlion yesterday.. i think i spelled "merlion" wrongly.. who cares.. LOL.. had a terrible day yesterday.. after ting send me to cab i was feeling very terrible in cab. i keep tell myself.. CANNOT VOMIT !! than when reach my house le.. i paid for the cab.. and asked him to keep the change.. cos i want faster run out of the cab.. i want vomit and want to lie down asap.. so i chiong down the cab.. and i cant walk properly.. when climbing the stairs.. i drag my whole body on the wall macham like im going to die like that.. my leg keep hit the stairs.. AND IT HURTS !! for your info i got crazy when i was drunk and hurt my leg till it bleed. LOL..

After i reached home i throw everything in my pocket into my drawer and drop dead on my bed.. didnt change.. didnt bath.. didnt brush teeth.. im DIRTY !! hahahaha.. but cos im too drunk le.. fell asleep till i woke up at 1pm.. and chiong to toilet and vomit ~ this time vomit white substance.. its was so scary.. macham like alcohol poisoned. after that i had a bath all this.. bah bah bah.. den later come back to my room i still feeling terrible.. less than 10min.. i chiong to toilet and vomit again.. total vomit 6 times till 4pm like that.. i fell asleep again.. whole day i was like a dead man on bed.. didnt eat anything.. i ate my wanton mee one mouth and i threw it away.. than after that i woke up at 6pm.. ate my dinner and felt better.. and i stopped vomiting. if its continue.. i will end up in hospital.. which ah siao vomit so many times de.. LOL

later went to bugis meet my brothers.. played a few pools.. its cool that my skill is still there.. hahaha.. i thot i became lousy or wad after so long no play.. den later went pub with my brothers to celebrate one of their friend birthday.. that birthday boy vomit on one of my friend cap. so funny. HAHAHA.. i only drank one cup.. cos im scared to be drunk again.. LOL.. maybe i will drink less in future.. or maybe not.. depends.. hahahaha

okay.. cya..

P.S - my heart when pumping fast fast once again.. when i received the good news.. bless me.. =x

✖ [[ Confidence ]] ✖

2008-11-06T23:08:00.003+08:00

IM CRAZY OVER THE DATE !!!

THE EXCITEMENT ~

THE AWAITING ~

And STRESS ~~~

Whether there's a outcome or not it doesnt really matters honestly. Cos to me.. if you love someone.. you doesnt ask for any repay.

A true love is loving someone without any regrets.. and broke up is just a process in love.. whether the friendship stays or not its all depend on the maturity. When you love someone.. you will never regret what you had done for he or she.. or regret in the decision u made.. u might love a girl wholeheartedly and yet she ran away with some other guys.. and yet u wont regret.. because u love her.. U dont ask from repay from her if u love her.. it doesnt mean u love her wholeheartedly and yet u want her love u back. In a true relationship.. we have to give in without asking for repay.. If u give up on her.. u shouldnt regret on your decision too. because u love her.. as she believes she can find a better guy.. and u want her to have happiness.. =)

Therefore this time round.. i know i did alot for this girl who might not even love me or interests in me. But i going after her in full confidence with the best i can give. Cos i dont ask for any repay.

I need overcome the love wall. JIAYOU ~~~ LOL

✖ [[ Preparing for my 1st date ]] ✖

2008-11-05T09:32:00.004+08:00

This few days might be overdoing.. but if i really interested in her.. i must do my best.. after all this might be my last date before i go in NS.

Things i must do -

Laundry for my formal shirt and jean ( DONE )
Shave my facial hair ( DONE )
Have a stylo and impressive hairstyle ( going to be done this afternoon )
Polish the shoe you gotta wear ( DONE )
Prepare a Ferrero Rocher bouquet ( will be done on that day )
Buy one box of Ferrero Rocher chocolate ( will be done the day before the date )
Get a red rose ( will be done on that day )

All these might be overdoing. But i doing all this for her.. GOOD LUCK TO ME !! Everything starts with good impression and starts from friendship. =)

✖ [[ Suddenly.. my mood is down ]] ✖

2008-11-04T21:08:00.002+08:00

Suddenly my mood is down today.. when i know the date of meeting her had been postponed. The excitement.. the awaiting feeling.. had all been gone in a sudden..

All this days had been overdoing and preparing for the day to see her face to face. And i hope that day will went successfully. i may not be the best guy in this world. But u might be the girl who might change me to a better one.

✖ [[ Finish shaving ]] ✖

2008-11-03T22:10:00.001+08:00

Just finish shaving my face.. And i cut myself.. now keep bleeding. LOL

✖ [[ Halloween ]] ✖

2008-10-31T23:07:00.002+08:00

This is what i encountered in this year halloween party,

Girl - She dressed as a Vampire.

Girl - Hi.
Jim - Hello.
Girl - I wanna suck your.... ahem....
Jim - omg.. are you crazy? i didnt know the girl here are that open..
Girl - HAHA !! what you are thinking?!? i wanna suck your BLOOD !!!. LOL

✖ [[ FUCK OFF ]] ✖

2008-10-19T04:22:00.000+08:00

FUCK OFF !!! =D

okay. Feel better. =)

✖ [[ Random Toughts ]] ✖

2008-10-16T04:04:00.002+08:00

Today went for my swimming training. As swimming is part of my commando training. So many years or months no swim already. Stamina sure gone badly. Didnt really swim alot today. Kinda slack. Spend most of my time looking at BIKINI girls.. LOL... must be a guy nature. =x

While swimming a few laps and i have this random thot in my mind.. Now i have no breath to swim.. i can stop anytime.. But what happen if i am in camp? If i cant swim.. Will they push me till i drown? =x

After that went out with ting my si mei and howard my san di. accompanied by huimin too. Went shopping at orchard. Den went to bugis. Den just nice ting and howard de friend birthday den treated me and huimin alcohol. But huimin didnt drink it.. haha.. Den later we went kalang bahrus. And ting went emo. And i have this random thoughts again. What happen if one day i in camp. And my sworn brothers are emo or in trouble over something and yet i dont know.. what can i do for them? I stoned there for a moment and asked myself this.. haha.. im thinking too much.. But when my days to camp is getting nearer. I just start to think more and more things.

im such a paranoid. =(

✖ [[ Gotta Blog more - My last say ]] ✖

2008-10-15T03:33:00.002+08:00

Hola ~~ Gotta blog more and i know more and more people gotta miss me. My time left isn't much. Going into camp for 2 years soon. I made it till like i going to die. LOL. Tmr gotta start training. Will start off my training through swimming. My goal is to swim 20 laps non stop. Good luck to me and hope i dont drown to death.

When i received my Enlistment letter yesterday i was kinda sad. It's like a Goodbye message to this society. All my freedom will be gone. All my enjoyment in life will be gone. Life suddenly look so cherishable to me. How i wish i can enjoy more. But the time left isn't much.

My wish to my 4 sworn brothers. Even now i will be leaving u all to camp. I hope u guys stay happy and enjoyable while waiting for me to come out every weekends. We are forever brothers even thot now one of us will be far apart from u all. Stay united and we will forever remember the date we sworn together as brothers. Hopefully our heart will stay united even thot we bearly meet. But i promise u all whenever i am out of them, U guys are the one i will meet up and lets out to chill and have a drink and be united.

My wish to my father and mother. All these while you guys must had been worrying about me being a commando. As i am the only son of you guys. Have faith in me and no worry about me. I am old enough to take care of myself and by the time i finish my 2 years service. It will be my turn to take care of you guys. When i am off to camp. Pls rmb to take care of my room. My room sweet room. Where i will miss the most. =D

My wish to my friends. All these while we seldom meet up. But when i go in camp i hope u guys will remember me and hopefully during one of my weekend out we are able to meet up. Take care my friends.

YES !! i made this departing so sad again !! i promise i gotta make everyone cry when i depart u guys. Cos thats the point where everyone touches me... HAHAHAHA ~~~

- Might be hosting a farewell party. Stay tune dudes ~~

✖ [[ Departing]] ✖

2008-10-14T13:40:00.003+08:00

I will be departing my father and mother and all my friends on 12 dec 2008 as a commando at 8am. What a nice day they had chosen. Goodbye my loves.. Hope i enjoy my 2 years..

✖ [[ Locked up my heart for sure ]] ✖

2008-10-03T12:42:00.004+08:00

All this while. I been opening my heart to someone who i know for 18 years. Cos there's such sentence saying "No one hates their family forever". But i guess this time its the last time we will quarrel. I decide to lock my heart up and threw the key to my heart into the deep blue sea. No one can open to my heart again and understand me. For now the last time i am feeling strong i dont want to get hurt again by you always saying you once go through my age and you understand me. I just gotta say sorry and a last goodbye. I gave my chance and had my lesson. And its not the first you treated me this way. And i got the final sentence from you. Which hurt me deeply. But you arent the first one. So it's okay. First is my father saying he hate me. And you are the second in this family who hates me. Thanks for letting me know.

Words are not enough. I remember the first time we met. The day when i first recongise the people around me and know how to talk. U are there to play with me and walk me through this life. As the years passes. It all being a past of sweet memories.

You must forget me, You will forget me.
There’s so many things that I wanted to tell you, but I can’t.

I would definitely go, but, alone.

Just take good care of this family.

✖ [[ Memories of Nobody ]] ✖

2008-09-22T10:55:00.002+08:00

I want you to love me, but i dont think you will. I wander around as i repeat this to myself. It's the only answer i have, even if im scared of getting hurt. I'll say "i love you" to the one i love. Do you love me or not?

I dont care the answer. I just need you to know. No matter how badly i desire to be with you. There are many unchangeable things in this world. And my love for you cant be stopped by anyone. As 1000 nights pass, i long to tell you i have to let you know " i want you to love me, but i dont think you will. " putting those feelings into words is so scary, but i will still love you.

the happiness we chance upon in our lives cant be be expressed in words. Thats why we can only smile. As i looked at the road i'd traveled abd the path ahead, my eyes were filled with cowardice. I wanted to look into your eyes, but was afraid t wouldnt be honest. i didnt want to know that you didnt love me and live the rest of my days all aline. that day, i kept on loving u without getting hurt.

Even if my feeligs arent returned, i can say " i love you " to the one i love. And thats the most beautiful thing in the world.

✖ [[ Putting down and say Bye ]] ✖

2008-08-26T13:21:00.001+08:00

When the flower paddles making its last wave in the little pound of water emerged just after the rain. The sunshine would make the summer trees leaving their shadows behind. Summer, everything that’s related to hope, are beautiful, soft and simple, like writing with a soft inking pen on these late letters. When the lights lighted up the little road in the park, it lighted the ends that would soften the path beyond.

A single piece of hair was left on the table that she uses to sit; making my heart became warm and tickling. The clear loud sounds on the distant play grounds always can make people believe in the idea of “forever”

Forever beautiful, forever truthful, forever young. Even the forever childish acts.

When my heart is submerged in these things, it would be enough for people to look back on the path of life many years after, like walking nervously in the snow with heads looking down on the forever whiteness, listening to my heart, an organ that is filled up with complicated memories, to be able to walk in to the memories that happened long ago

May be it’s already like that…..

Ok, let it be like that……….

One more time, one more chance, or may be if there is one more life, something like that…..

Though it’s foolish to think of itWhen I would stand in front of you again, I would say

How are you

✖ [[ i tried. But failed ]] ✖

2008-08-10T05:04:00.003+08:00

im drunk once again.. and i proposed to her.. yet somehow i gt rejected.. but i know i like her.. so i will continue to like her and keep my love from her and hope one day she will be with someone she really love.. take care my love; my tuna.. u r the fish i had been always been waiting for.. and i hope u get the happiness u looking for.. and i will be there for u whenever u nid me.. i hope u still treat me as your frend even thot i dun have the honour to be your future partner.. but i will still take care of you like my girlfriend even thot im not your boyfriend...

✖ [[ Bad Day, yet good start ]] ✖

2008-07-23T22:00:00.003+08:00

lots of bad thing happened recently.. want revenge aso hard to revenge.. dunno wad else to blog aso.. l0lx... like i said.. not going to blog much.. due to too much happening life outside now.. haha..

recently started a shop with my 4 brothers.. each of us gt 25% of the share of the shop.. we sell fashionable clothes and even bikini and bags.. do come support us.. i will post more information of the shop once we go collect our stock.. hoping in 2 years time.. we can earn enough money to make this business bigger.. well.. i wont say out our shop name yet... as i haven go register it.. and i scare ppl might use it.. LOL..

but the shop name i feel its meaningful even thot its gt meaning of the 4 brothers only.. but to me.. it gt the meaning of the 4 brothers and my past.. the path of road in life i took.. and everything is like a good start to the 4 of us.. =)

i wish our shop will do well.. as its the 4 brothers effort.. and its a start to our future.. tht the four of us no nid worry to be jobless and have gd future.. =)

✖ [[ Training ]] ✖

2008-07-16T15:11:00.002+08:00

firstly.. laptop got screwed.. dun bother to go repair aso.. l0lx.. so its dunno my 4th or 5th day tht i didnt touch my laptop le.. this few days is using sis comp to check friendster and blogs.. after all my days left aso nt long le.. so i dun tink i will have a chance to use my laptop as i going in NS le..

This few days had sparring and training.. today is my 3rd day of training.. first sparring session i lost and gt beaten badly.. after my 2nd day of training and had a 2nd sparring session.. i gt a improvement.. but i keep forgotten the move and keep forget to protect my head... end up i gt punished.. no matter how tough the training is.. or even how ppl around me is looking down on me.. i still have to train myself to be a tough guy.. or else i will be standing no where in this world.. and im jus a burden to my brothers and might die easily in this world..

im a failure as a boyfriend for my past 2 relationship.. i dun wan to be a failure or disappointment to my brothers if they had hope in me.. i want to be tough and protect everyone around me.

If ppl dun scold or lecture u means u r jus a hopeless guy to them.. if ppl bother to scold and punish u.. means u r still something to them.. so dun give up easily..

patience makes perfect and training makes u even more perfect..

Beautiful dreams dun come to u.. u mus have the effort to make your own beautiful dream.. your future is in your own hand.

✖ [[ NS letter ]] ✖

2008-07-12T13:01:00.002+08:00

when the day is getting nearer.. the day i left seem so sian.. cos 2 years inside the camp is not short and seem long... when the enlistment is three or four months away.. im always there hoping i can go in NS faster and finish it faster.. but ever since yesterday i receive the NS letter.. telling me to report to camp.. i felt the lonliness suddenly.. like i going to be apart with everyone for 2 years.. and wonder will ppl still keep contact with me.. and whether ppl will fade away with me in the nex 2 years or not.. haizz... can ba.. blog till here for my NS thingy... actually i got more thing to write de.. but now my brain is just so blank...

i wish the two years will pass fast and my beautiful dream might come true..

im waiting for a fish for the nex 2 years.. will the fish swim away? or swim towards me. haiz

i'll be waiting ~ =(

✖ [[ My birthday ]] ✖

2008-07-03T05:47:00.002+08:00

so long no blog le.. wonder anyone miss me not.. =x

okays.. wont say much abt my birthday... all i can say is i enjoyed alot.. and thanks for those who came for my birthday.. =).. tht day was really dead.. haha.. thanks those who carried me.. and glad this time i drunk.. i didnt think abt any girls.. haha.. singles rocks.. LOL

recently think i fall for a girl.. but i jus gt a little bit feeling for her.. and i wont jio her.. cos i cant support myself.. i dun tink i can support her aso.. and i tink she is a girl who suit someone better rather than be with me.. i hope she will have happiness.. therefore i will keep my feeling from her..

im a guy who wont see my brothers go die.. i beg u guys out there as my brother go alone or go without me.. cos i will be with u all.. if really will die.. let's all die together.. i jus cant bear to see my brothers die..

P.S: i cried cos im like a fool waiting somewhere else.. see-ing my 3 brothers go fight. =(

✖ [[ working is shag ]] ✖

2008-06-10T01:47:00.002+08:00

BOO !!

haha.. rmb the first time i boo someone was kristy.. cos she boo me and made me laff like mad behind the screen.. felt so crazy.. l0lx

okay.. recently was working at bugis street.. working very hard to earn the money for my martell for my birthday.. i hope this year birthday can be a really happy one as it gotta be my last birthday b4 i go in army.. and after tht it gotta be 2 years later den i can celebrate my birthday again..

really hope i can save up to $1100 for my birthday and spend everything off on tht night.. and let it be my last happy birthday.

today someone told me.. if u want to happy.. u have to put down the saddness u had in the past.. and move ahead as happiness is awaiting for u..

=)

✖ [[ wont be updating blog ]] ✖

2008-05-29T00:26:00.002+08:00

sorry guys.. i wont be updating my blog for the time being.. cos im either busy working or hanging outside like a siao kia.. running around telling ppl im Xiao Cai Tou. LOL

thanks my sworn brothers and brothers and sisters and friends who brighten up my days.. =)

✖ [[ Dun insult my friends and brothers ]] ✖

2008-05-15T07:53:00.002+08:00

in my life.. who u wan insult.. i aso dun care.. but dun insult those friends who are close to me or insult the sworn brothers of mine.. and those ppl i treat as brothers and sisters..

you request a " sorry " from me.. in the past i always say " sorry " to u so easily.. but when u hurt me tht time.. i aso didnt ask u to say a " sorry " to me. the reason now i dun wan say " sorry " anymore.. cos i waited for u for so long i aso no complain.. but i dunno why u wan complain so much abt me.

You say my brothers are sai brothers.. but honestly to me.. i feel they will stay with me till the day i die.. and i even think the friends i mixing with are all more loyal den u.. there are always there for me when i nid them in the past 4 months.. where are u when i nid u? u jus happily being wit tht guy. and i jus close one eye.

if all this while u never did anything sorry to me. i aso wont get so angry when u insult my brothers..

i want go whack him partly is becoz i angry tht he hurting u.. and i angry he broke the promise he gave me.. i rmb every word he said..

Tian: " Jim. u like her, i aso like her. i know my mistake le. i will change and wont leave her le. "
Jim: " Okay. i wont ask her to leave me or wad. but i will let her choose the one she truely love. but whoever she choose i will respect her decision. rmb wad u said to me. if u break the promise. i will come find u de."
Tian: " OKAY! thks jim. u r really a nice guy."

and another reason i wan whack him is becoz after he with u.. behind my back he say im a third party.. but u broke with him le den i stead with u.. i no snatch u frm him. and he come snatch u frm me. and call me a third party?

since now u r always siding him.. i wont bother anymore le.. just take me as a fool for wanting to whack him if he leave u.

u keep ask me go see doctor. if in your heart. im a crazy guy. den let it be bah. better dun mix with me. if not one day i take one knife and stab u. cos im a crazy guy. get out of my life. i once treat u as my precious one. but wad u treat me as? someone who replace your bf position for awhile and let him feel he nid u and come back jio u back?

im sorry. girls heart change easily. ppl character does change easily too. last time de jim is being killed by u. and now de jim is completely new.

ツ whoever i had become. Is just becoz of the past tht had changed me greatly. Jim sucks.

✖ [[ i dunno wad to put for title (1) ]] ✖

2008-05-08T07:41:00.002+08:00

haha.. okay.. super long no blog le.. dunno wad to put for title aso.. had lots of troubles and fun this few days.. troubles are jus those love troubles.. and fun of course had fun with my sworn brothers and my those friends who i treated them as my brothers and sisters..

sometimes i wonder.. why is it when u gt a new love.. den the old love decide to come back to u.. or maybe feel than u r a better guy.. is this called the fate playing u? l0lx..

recently shiqi cheered me up but today see her like tht so sad and cried.. yet i cant cheer her up.. feel so useless.. like i failed my mission of making the ppl around me happy... shiqi ar shiqi ar.. u ask me dun keep emo and mus cheer up.. i hope u can cheer up too. =x

nex is my family.. dun really feel like depending on this family le.. i nid to depend on myself to survive till i go in NS. and i wonder why my sister is so nt understanding.. haiizz.. maybe im jus so nt mature enuff.. i will never understand the adult thinking.. wad shiqi father said is right.. i will bear it in mind.. and wad shiqi told me de i will aso bear it in mind..

P.S: hope everyone around me is safe and happy. cheer up shiqi.

✖ [[ im not okay ]] ✖

2008-04-27T11:33:00.003+08:00

It's really sad. when the girl u thot could be the one for you to try to love again.
when you did love again. she just left you with another guy. why must love start with a smile, grow with a kiss and ends with a teardrop. why cant love be faithful and everlasting? its hurtful to be in love and be loved. I never knew i could get hurt till like this. and life still goes on and on everyday.

yesterday saw her yet i dun have courage to even say a HI to her. cos i scare after we start talking i will start missing and thinking our past. the only way to overcome her and forget the past is dun talk to her and dun recall the pasts. i know like tht im hurting myself and her too. But no one understand the pain deep in me. even thot now we are like strangers like tht. but i still care alot for her. and i hope she stay happy with the one she chosen.

after tht me, bentan, howard, benpoh, jinqiang, andrew and fadzil when to the sea side there to drink our vodka. first we played a game i learned in pub, and a game jinqiang always play with us. and of course. the punishment is drink and drink and drink.

yesterday was super shag.. dunno due to wad reason. i got drunk very fast.. whole body turns hot.. after bentan and fadzil took out their shirt.. i took off mine too. cos im really feeling hot.. after tht we didnt had enuff of drinking.. so went to the chalet cheers there to get more alcohol.. and drink at the bbq pit at the chalet there. and after tht im really drunk.. when i go back the chalet.. i str8 jump onto the bed and slp.. den later bentan vomit on the floor.. den me and howard walk him into the toilet... and wash up all this..den i continue slp till dunno wad time.. i tink 2 or 3am.. i saw fadzil sitting infront of me.. so i ask him whether he ok or not? den i ask him bring me to toilet... and i start vomitting.. i dunno wad i vomit out aso... my eye super blur.. cannot see clearly.. den later go back slp... and keep asking qiang they all to call beehwee for me.. but no one wants call for me.. at tht part of time.. really tinks alot abt her... haiizz.. den wake up again... and go vomit again.... den slp again.. till morning 9 plus.. its time for us to check out tht time... i go vomit again... super shag.. jus gt the feeling of not drinking anymore... nw all the bad feelings are gone.. but my head is feeling terrible.. k.. time to go bed... bye everybody.

P.S: i love her deeply. thts why im like tht ever since the day we apart.

✖ [[ Missing for awhile ]] ✖

2008-04-26T16:08:00.002+08:00

Yo everybody. im back.. gone for a few days due to lots of thing. thts why no blog.. anyway lets not talk abt the past and talk abt yesterday. LOL

yesterday first time went KSP. quite cool. cos i like this type of small small pub where u can jus relax and not really alot of ppl. LOL. den meant a new friend there. she's the bar top dancer there. but i forgotten her name.. wear till very sexy wor.. LOL

yesterday didnt get to drink much. cos i saved my money for today drinking. later gotta drink vodka drink till siao ar !!!... i mus drunk !!!... wooo...

so paiseh shiqi.. nex time gt money le sure will go your pub there open more liquor. =)

okay okay.. go prepare prepare den go bugis buy my vodka den go asmah chalet drink till drunk drunk le... ho ho ho... bye bye everyone...

✖ [[ The first step in NS ]] ✖

2008-04-15T23:41:00.002+08:00

okay.. jus had a very very long slp.. so abit gong gong one.. l0lx.

yesterday night whole day no slp. den after my dad woke up we went to eat. den went off to CMPB. its just another army camp. at there le first went to deposit my phone den went inside to register and take photo for my NS EZ-Link. after tht head str8 to medical check up.

first station is urine test ! l0lx. During the first test they say there's protein in my urine. which shocked me. LOL den the 2nd test. they say its normal le. LOL. so im fine. haha

den later went to have blood test.. they drew lots of blood out sia.. macham like vampire.. LOL.

den later was become half naked for the whole day.. macham like prisoner.. sit tgt with all half naked guys. den gt one ang gong siao sio.. LOL.. den after the whole body check up finish le.. i was waiting for my turn to meet a officer.. and i was sitting there half naked dreaming.. LOL. than later see alot ppl going in the room.. i wondering how they know when they going in.. den actually everyone gt a Q number. except me !! COS I DIDNT GO TAKE !!. so end up i went to take and go back sit there and daydream.

after tht went into the room and meet the officer.. first he shocked me.. ask me take off my pants and underwear !!.. so they checking the growth of your kukubird. and see whether u r a gay or not.. LOL. i show my bird bird to a stranger... sad sia.. LOL..

den after tht i went home. l0lx.. i gt into PES A. T_T

and on the way home.. I SAW KIM KOK !! he is the guard there.. he serving 1 years plus more den finish le.. den me going in. LOL.

the cab fare home is expensive sia.. $14 over dollar. LOL

✖ [[ The day has come ]] ✖

2008-04-15T05:15:00.002+08:00

aiyo.. so many days no blog le.. kinda busy this few days.. either go out drink till siao.. or go out mahjong till siao.. or even slack till siao.. LOL

haiizz.. from jus now till now haven slp sio.. cos later going army campsite le.. kinda nervous.. cos first time.. LOL.. everydaysay a few more months a few more months.. than now it reach le.. its so fast. haha. last minute prepare all my documents sia.. nid photocopy my cert but now is 5am !! go where to photo copy sia?!! SIAO LIAO LA. tmr sure tio scolding le.. T_T

first day go camp den tio scolding le.. so fuck up.. LOL

k la.. blog till here bah.. now wake for my papa wake up den go out eat.. den he send me to army campsite.. wad a touching day.. like back to primary school.. sending me off.. sad sad..

✖ [[ haircut !! ]] ✖

2008-04-08T04:26:00.002+08:00

been out to mahjong recently.. until even i go out jus to meet friends.. my parents will suspect me go gamble again... =x...

this few days like pig like tht sia.. woke up at 3 or 4 pm like tht.. haiizz.. had a bad dream today... today woke up cos i fell down from my bed... i dreamt abt me fought with someone in the bus cos he pushed me to a seat and ask me sit down.. den i fight with him.. den he uses his body weight and pushed me and i bang onto the window and flew out of the bus and died.. is it tht im dying? thts why i dreamt abt myself dying?.. haiizz...

1 week more like tht den i going for NS medical check up le.. most of the ppl was hoping i get into police force.. so tht i no nid stay in camp and can still come out and enjoy. But i prefer to be in army.. i want to become stronger and more fit and more independent and of course more mature.. hoping the 2 years of NS life will pass fast...

now set alarm le.. hope tmr wont slp till 3 or 4pm... i want wake up early and go have a haircut.. now my hair is messy and long... i tink i dun suit long hair... looks so thick and ugly on me.. and so hard for me to style... so tmr going to have a spiky haircut and cut away my fringe.. but keeping my sideburn and my behind tail... LOL... kinda sad tht my fringe is going to be gone.. haiizz.. wadever it is... i going to become a botak le... so gt fringe no fringe aso no diff... ho ho ho...
BYEBYE TO MY FRINGE ~~

✖ [[ FREE RIDE ~ ]] ✖

2008-04-04T00:18:00.002+08:00

Today was suppose to wake up at 10am. But than i woke up le den i fell asleep again.. im really a pig since there's no school for me already.. l0lx

den later afternoon went to meet bentan they all den went shiqi hse to play mahjong ~. At first me and ting is the biggest winner. But end up Bentan is the biggest winner !! he won 20 over dollar sia.. cool man.. LOL

den later took cab with bentan to bugis to eat dinner.. money in my wallet becoming lesser and more less... sad.. LOL

after tht i walk to take bus home.. and guess wad? cos the EZ-LINK card machine spoiled.. so the driver say i no nid tap my card.. AND I GOT A FREE RIDE HOME !! ho ho ho

tht's something interesting... haha

✖ [[ The torn in my heart ]] ✖

2008-04-02T22:08:00.003+08:00

What hurt the most was being so close. And watching you walk away.

Even thot we are far apart.
cant we still love each other?
i've been through a lot.
i should know by now.

But i cant see unexpected things coming my way.
You used to say that you loved me.
Now you say that you have to go.

You will be in my mind for a wile.
I feel bad i wasnt good enugh for you.

Even if i spend the rest of my life crying
I still cant forget you.

You are gone. But you are still in my mind.

Someday you wont even remember my name.
You will just say there was someone I used to love..

This torn can never be removed ever since the day u decide to go back to him...

✖ [[ spent money like water. ]] ✖

2008-04-01T03:36:00.002+08:00

Gosh ~ i spent money very fast sia. In one day less than 5 hours. i spent $60 over dollars le. sian.. still intend to use the $80 to survive for a few weeks more.

Today went to pasa malam to play DARTS to get present for ah chun. Its not easy man.. we too alot of attempts to get the second big prize which is a tweety bird. haha.. end up we played abt 15 times? and spent $45. and gt 15 small prizes. and used the 15 small prizes to exchange for the big prize. ho ho ho. But its the fun we get from the DARTS throwing.. haha we nearly kill the stall owner.. LOL..

suddenly gt the urge to mahjong sia.. i want to mahjong!!.. l0lx.. its fun.. no matter u r losing or winning.. haha..

time passed so fast. two more weeks i going for my check up le. den will be going in NS le. time spending with my brothers and sisters are getting shorter and shorter..

i want to go cut my hair !! ~~ my hair getting more and more ugly... i want cut a guai lan hair style !!

It took one day for you to date a girl.
It took 1 minute for you to tell her u wan her to be your stead.
It took a lifetime for you to take care of her.
It took a few minutes for you to hug her and kiss her.

It took a few minutes for the girl to break up with u.
It took a few minutes for the girl to be cold for to u.

You will never forget her and those memories.
You will forever have the scar and lost in confidence in love.
You will be emotionally hurted.
You will be forever sad.
You will forever miss her. and wonder whether she misses u or not.

HAPPY DAYS NEVER LAST. SAD DAYS AND HURTFUL DAYS LAST FOREVER.

You will one girl tht i cant overcome till now ever since we had not talked for dunno how many months since we took our O lvl result.

why must u be so cold to me? i really feel very cold and pain. Why had we become like this? I enjoy talking to u. But why u never talk to me? I dun dare to talk to u cos i scare u r busy.. im feeling very sad.. i want to cry out loud. i wan u to be there for me.. i just want one night with u.. i jus wan u to listen to all the thing i had to say.

I love u like last time. Do u still love me?

The keychain is still with me all the times. And i misses whenever i look at the keychain.

All this while i just want to be loved as i loved u.

Love is complicated and hurtful.

✖ [[ ANGER !! ]] ✖

2008-03-31T02:40:00.002+08:00

after a brother of mine trying to change my thinking.. all my anger jus came out suddenly.. pls dun continue to read this post if u r those ppl who dun like vulgar words.

WHY THE FUCK GIRLS LIKE TO HURT MY FEELINGS? AM I JUST SO NICE TO PLAY WITH? AM I SOMEONE WHO JUS HAVE TO GIVE OUT MY LOVE AND I DUN NID LOVE?
WHY I CAN LOVE SOMEONE WHOLEHEARTEDLY AND NO ONE CAN LOVE ME WHOLEHEARTEDLY? THIS 2 RELATIONSHIP I HAD IS ENUFF FOR ME LE. I WONT GO FOR A 3RD ONE !!. I DUN WAN TO BE HURTED AGAIN !! U ALL KNOW HOW FUCKING PAIN IT IS OR NOT !!! BREAKING BOYS HEART MAKE U GIRL VERY SONG SI BO?!?!

ALL THIS WHILE DID I DID ANYTHING WRONG TO THE GIRL I LOVED? WHY MUST THEM TREAT ME LIKE THT? WHEN THEY NEEDS ME THEY WANT ME... THEY DUN NID ME DEN JUS KICK ME ASIDE ?!?!

i jus want to be loved. is it so hard to want tht?
i feel like dying now.

✖ [[ This few days.. ]] ✖

2008-03-31T00:56:00.006+08:00

So long never blog le.. cos this few days jus seem so busy and so many things happened... didnt had a good slp this few days.. and didnt have a gd meal aso..

First of let's blog abt my chibye partner.. im her lanjiao partner. =x

this is her artistic work.

above pic is the teeth mark.

above pic is the nail marks.

these are nail marks too. NO AIDS !!

now the wounds on me and fadzil hands are still hurting us. BUT fadzil suffer more than me. THANKS BRO.

Den later this few days gt so many tai ji happened.. all i will help in one.. i will chup in... cos everyone are my brothers.. and sisters.. u all know who u all are.. im a tiong xim kia.. hahaha

den i thot i will die this few days... but end up i havent die.. im jus lucky.. im still counting down to my death.

and lots of interesting thing happened.. but every night when i wan blog.. im jus too tired to blog.. really didnt have enuff slp.

EVERYONE'S POLY SCHOOL LIFE STARTING SOON !! GOOD LUCK TO YOU ALL. haha

so wad sia.. i rmb i gt alot things want to say... but i forgotten everything... haha..

okok i jus wan say wad i know i wan to say now...

brothers are not there to harm brothers.. brothers will be there whether it will be suffer or it will be enjoy. maybe the way i define it might be wrong too. but than thts jus wad i want to say.

today im fucking emo.. cos of listening to the current song in my blog... i think of her... want sms her... but i tink she wont reply me.. the past or me and her... always talk on phone.. now we seldom even talk... last time can always go out and i can buy lots of thing for her... but now we seldom even see each other... or can never see each other again. haiizzz... k.. blog till here bah..

more and more tai ji are happening...

✖ [[ its back ]] ✖

2008-03-26T05:19:00.003+08:00

i started to miss u badly again.
i wish everything can gone back to the past.
i miss our past.. those happy days..

today i made the effort to talk to u.. but end up i gt no guts to say wad i want to say.
i feel so helpless.. so speechless.

i wish tht u can show me your love. As i want to be loved too.

im sad..
i feel like crying.

why love became such a painful thing?

If only im given a second chance.

✖ [[ Haizz ]] ✖

2008-03-25T19:47:00.001+08:00

Boy wants their love one to be happy every moment.
But Girl only wants to be loved.
Had any girl spare a thot for someone they loved?

Wads the real meaning of love?

✖ [[ I SWEAR THT I LOVE U ]] ✖

2008-03-23T04:21:00.002+08:00

On the outside, to the world,
to those who know me.
I look so normal.
Seem to be alright.

On the inside. I am just EMPTY.

Talk to her for 2 hours and 15 minutes.
I know i still love her.
But i dont dare to show it out.
I know i miss her badly.
But i dont dare to say it out.
I know i care alot for her.
But i try not to say it out.
Cos i am not her who anymore.

I know she care for me. But i am no longer like last time
I felt so useless and felt that im a disappointment now.

I just feel s dead now. I hope i can love myself more and show her my love.

But i dont know wad's love anymore.

If only i was loved. Den i wont go the wrong path.
lost in darkness. The fear of darkness.

✖ [[ The world of darkness ]] ✖

2008-03-22T23:23:00.002+08:00

I made my first step into the darkness. There's no returning.

Today jim is totally changed. But he will try his best to be cheerful.

Is this the road i want? to be standing in the dark.

18s.

✖ [[ LIZARD ]] ✖

2008-03-22T02:23:00.001+08:00

just came back from the toilet.

jus now i sat on the toilet bowl and took out a magazine on top. den i heard one PIAK sound. so i was looking around wonder wad thing dropped. den later nth was found.

when i look carefully at my leg.. its a lizard !!! so i shake my leg and it drop off and dunno run to where le. interesting thing happened in my house toilet... hahaa

✖ [[ DISBAND ]] ✖

2008-03-22T00:35:00.002+08:00

The weather family is disbanded. But i will still treat those guys as my brothers and sisters. Once a xiaostorm. Forever a xiaostorm.

Dave gt his tattoo le !! its so nice.. 300 dollar. expensive but worth it. gotta get mine too. but no money. haizz..

today went to top up my bus card and the person say adult card cant top up with 5 dollar. its so troublesome to be a adult. thts wad i felt. haha

if one day i fight cos i wan to protect.
if one day i die cos of the road i had chosen.

Thanks jiejie for today.

im a disappointment.

✖ [[ Grave ]] ✖

2008-03-20T23:17:00.002+08:00

Just went to linette's blog and saw ah meng's grave. Even a monkey had such a beautiful grave and was being remembered. Will anyone rmb me if one day i jus leave the world? And how will my grave be like? i really wonders..

Anyway jus woke up. feeling so shag again. life jus seem so shag. And felt like im now like a baby like tht... keep falling asleep whenever im watching anime on the internet. wonder wad had really happen to me.

Guys are easily satisfied.
Girls needs secure and love.

Devoted guys are always hurt; Innocent girls are always being hurt too.
Flirty guys and girls are always being loved.

Confidence are always there when u never fail or u was never been hurt.
Confidence are gone when had been hurt over and over. Like u r jus a substitution or a toy to made tht girl happy. And after she happy u r no longer needed.

Fools trust tht love is very beautiful cos there never see the ugly side of love.
Smart guys believe tht love is jus like one night stand.
Fools believe in eternity love.

Girls always ask for long lasting relationship.
But when they met one. They are the one who broke it.

Somethings we jus dunno wad girls want.

anyway now im nt saying guy is good or girl is bad.

Just want say out how i felt. When can i stop emo-ing.
im such a emo shit.

Good guy wont live.
Bad Guy live the longest.

✖ [[ I wonder ]] ✖

2008-03-19T21:41:00.002+08:00

Today had a heavy dinner at PARISS. The international seafood buffet at Marina Square. Ate alot till im bloated. Den today MS have a fashion show and saw alot ang moh chio bu. indeed u nid to be chio to be a model.

felt super shag this few days.. cough and flu not getting any better. And a few days i woke up with fever. Haiyo want die i hope i will die faster den to torture me like tht.

I wonder how its feel to be whack? will i be able to endure the pain? will i have the energy to fight back? i really wonders.

Anyone know any good designer in helping u to design a tattoo? The tattoo going to follow u till the day u die. Its important to find a good designer.

Having my second meeting with all those important ppl. Hope this time i wont miss the appointment and screw myself up again.

Second thing i wonder. Why so many office girl wear till so sexy? to seduce their boss? or waiting to be raped by cleaners while they are in toilet? l0lx

✖ [[ deep inside me ]] ✖

2008-03-17T05:28:00.002+08:00

I hope i can see u one last time before going NS. But i know its impossible.
I hope i can eat one last dinner with u. But i know its impossible too.
I hope i can send u home one last time. But i know its impossible aso.

I scare my tears will come out if one day i see u and him.
I scare i will miss u if one day i see u on the streets.
I scare i will think of u when i walk pass the places we went b4.

✖ I miss those days we had. I miss u.

If tonite im going to die. I hope i can see her one last time before i die.

✖ [[ DUN RUN !! ]] ✖

2008-03-16T20:48:00.002+08:00

had a good slp today.. so nice..

Yesterday went out to eat with my xiao weather family members. They are like my brothers and sisters like tht.. So we enjoyed the day out there yesterday.

Two shag things happened yesterday.

One is tht im actually asked to meet alot of important ppl. And i actually said tht i will be going down on saturday and i didnt know yesterday was saturday i thot its friday. So well.. i screwed up the appointment and made the one who actually bringing me there angry. So sorry. felt so paiseh lor. i dunno where i stand now..

Second thing is something i tink i felt proud of myself bah. Cos of one friend i went back to save him as i cant make myself see him being caught and i run away so end up we two are being caught. And im the only one gt searched body. they thot i gt drug or wadever it is. so they screened me carefully.. felt so shag when they search me.. but im guilty of nth.

So nex time lets not run and sit down to let police come. =)

the future is gotta be hard without money. And the future is in my hand.

There's a road i chosen and i know it will be dark in there.
Walking tht road with a reason tht i know i wouldnt want to be regret.
This road may be a road tht will be hard and even get me into trouble.
But its a road i want to be in. With tht reason.

Let's not regret.

✖ [[ raining ]] ✖

2008-03-12T16:38:00.003+08:00

wad a nice weather to blog.

i think gt rain whole day le bah since yesterday night. it will be good if i dun have flu... i will be enjoying this weather... but too bad im suffering in this weather..

didnt had a good slp yesterday night... den today my parent woke up and nag me. say nex time wan cough. cough softly cos they nid to slp. so poor thing.. im restricted to coughing aso. but i aso dun wan cough de... but coughing like hell. till this morning gt cough out blood smell.. i tink the throat there bleed le bah. and aso gt sore throat. is jim dying soon?

If i die. all my friends, brothers pls tell my parent to throw my ash into the sea.. cos i wan to roam freely in this world. i dun wan to be kept in a sad place.

I let go nt becoz i dun love u. Cos i dun wan see u suffer.
I put myself in your shoe. Knowing u dun wan hurt two guys
in the 3 of us. one of us nid to be hurted badly. i will be the one.
I let go cos i wan u to be happy. Cos i know u had been stressed to choose between the two of us.
I know he is better than me. And im sure he can give u happiness. But i still hate him like i always do. Those memories of us will not be faded. Cos those are the days when im really happy.

Now u had someone new le. i hope he will really treat u well.
In the future i bet we wont be able to see each other le. But your face will always be in my heart.
those smile i saw when we r tgt. I will be alone here thinking of those memories we had. Cos i cant put it down.

Dun play too much cabal. i know its a new game to u. But dun get addicted and spend more time on your studies.

The rain today is like the rain in my heart.. raining so heavily and make my heart felt so heavy. Hope u r happy of wad u had chosen. Cos i am nt happy with all those thing i had did. But i have no choice. Cos i wan u to be happy. I may not have u to be with me for life. But as long as i can see u happy i am satisfied.

If tonite a wish was to come true. I wish to die peacefully on my bed tonite.

✖ [[ fucking emo (2) ]] ✖

2008-03-12T04:16:00.002+08:00

WAD HAPPEN TO ME?!?!

jus felt so shag today.. even after blogging. went to dota even thot i keep win win win.. but the killing jus dun looks so excited to me.. dun have the energy to kill. Den keep coughing like hell.. and having flu...

lucky no nose block... tht's the happy thing. But overall im still very emo today. After wad had happen today. I guess Its more painful to be sad than to be hurted bah.

Sometimes i wonder.. why is it so hard to love someone.. and why is it so hard to want someone to love u when u love her wholeheartedly? and i wonder why ppl bear to say the one they loved to be hurted. Maybe im too kind hearted bah thts why i dun bear to see the ones i loved to be hurted by me or others.

"Sorry" and "i love you" this two word or sentence are too much being abused. Dun u guys tink so?

Is it time for me to die? still i dun find any excitement in life today. i bet so bah.

✖ [[ fucking emo ]] ✖

2008-03-12T02:23:00.002+08:00

today went back MS to attend my friend's wedding... so long no go MS le... kinda miss all the ppl there.. went there den saw she and tht guy.. at first try to ignore.. but later keep see and see.. kinda felt sad and start emo-ing cos of the ring they wearing.

today was fucking emo.. everyone taking photos.. im there emo-ing at the corner..

den later went to talk to one of my hougang xiong di jeff abt my xin shi.. thanks for all the comments u gave.. and listen to all the emo things i said... i know its kinda boring... LOL.

kk... now i wan emo again le.. today dun really feel alive...

P.S: thanks shiqi for taking care us at your house yesterday. But after u slp le i became very dead and slp on your sofa. LOL. and i off your TV and dvd for u... =P

✖ [[ Tears, good or bad? ]] ✖

2008-03-10T04:17:00.003+08:00

Once i loved a girl wholehearted
she gave me happiness.
she only gave me one kiss
happy, i cried cos of your hand.
sad, i cried cos of my hand.
i cant find the future that we had planned.
good tears or bad tears it had flew for u.
being touched and being sad is part of the reason.

But when u said u dun love me anymore.
the bad tears keep flowing continuously
happy i cried. cos i had did my part.
sad i cried cos i had lost out.
your heart can never stay at my here.
whether its good tears or bad tears i will still have it for u.
i only hope when i stop thinking of u
the tears tht come out is good tears.
and hope the smile will accompany me forever.

✖ [[ 你还爱我吗 ]] ✖

2008-03-05T09:05:00.002+08:00

The sound of the rain came during the night. Slowly moves the melody in my heart.
cant control myself. But always thinks of you and those sweet memories.
without awareness always ended up having a pair of wet eyes.
loves needs to have some space. Occasionally still need to keep a distance.
now we had gone back to friendship. and you are now set free.

And from tht day onwards. whenever i thinks of you. tht feeling can only be kept in my heart.
DO YOU STILL LOVE ME? i always wanted to ask.
but im afraid to know the truth.
DO YOU STILL LOVE ME? why u always dun wan to talk to me?
looking at me struggling in the pain of love.
DO YOU STILL LOVE ME? its been very long since we last chatted.
but my heart still cares you.
i feel very familiar in this cold cold night.
wish to see you again and listen to your voice again.
love path always makes ppl feel very helpless, i will learn to live alone.
and give you my blessing as u r the one i deeply loved.

DO YOU STILL LOVE ME? i always wanted to ask.
but im afraid to know the truth
DO YOU STILL LOVE ME? you my only worries.
no matters what type of answers you going to give.
i will always wait for you. DO YOU STILL LOVE ME?

✖ [[ empty ]] ✖

2008-03-04T00:48:00.002+08:00

felt so empty suddenly. i dunno hw to describe this feeling. all i will say is tht its suck totally. its the point when u feel tht u wasnt needed or even existed in this world. like got u no you aso no diff. its like u might as well go die now den at least this world less one person snatching oxygen with others.
IM TRANSPARENT.

if i gone missing for days... will anyone know? will anyone go look for me? i feel tht no one will know. and ppl wont even find me. cos i like doesnt even existed in their heart at all. jus feel so empty now and useless of course.

dead.

✖ [[ Love No More ]] ✖

2008-03-03T01:34:00.000+08:00

For all the years that I've known you baby
I can't figure out the reason why lately you've been acting so cold
(didn't you say)
If there's a problem we should work it out
So why you giving me the cold shoulder now
Like you don't even wanna talk to me girl
(tell me)
Ok I know I was late again
I made you mad and dinners thrown in (the bin)
But why are you making this thing drag on so long
(I wanna know)
I'm sick and tired of this silly game
(silly games)
Don't think that I'm the only one here to blame
It's not me here who's been going round slamming doors
That's when you turned and said to me
I don't care babe who's right or wrong
I just don't love you no more.

Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
Feeling like a fool cause I let you down
Now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more

I know that I made a few mistakes
But never thought that things would turn out this way
Cause I'm missing something now that your gone
(I see it all so clearly)
Me at the door with you in a state
(in a state)
Giving my reasons but as you look away
I can see a tear roll down your face
That's when you turned and said to me
I don't care babe who's right or wrong
I just don't love you no more.

Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
Feeling like a fool cause I let you down
Now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more

Don't say those words it's so hard
They turn my whole world upside down
Girl you caught me completely off guard
On the night you said to me
I just don't love you more.

Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
Feeling like a fool cause I let you down
Now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more